Darkness

Tonight it is dark.
Pitch dark.
No moon, no stars, no Eskom.
This morning it was still sunshine and light.
I was buying cold packs to help with the pain after my shoulder replacement surgery.
Derek and I were looking for a recliner. Apparently after the surgery it is difficult to sleep lying down on a bed and sleeping upright for a few weeks is recommended.
Then – the surgery was postponed by a month…

I know in the big scheme of things it is not very significant, but at that moment
and now still, I cannot deal with it.
If that makes me “…” so be it.
I have just had enough moments (like most of  last year)
when I have to bounce back after a curved ball!
I’m tired of being like those dolls that bounce back up again when you bump them.
I know I shouldn’t send this negativity into the blog-o-sphere because,
after all…
I’m a mature Christian!

Well, tonight I feel small and vulnerable and tired, so tired of carrying on…
Tired of running through the night.

I know I’ll feel better tomorrow but for tonight life is hard.
Please don’t feel sorry for me.
Rather applaud my honesty.
Christians also hurt and break and feel incapable of going on.

But because the great I AM is here with me,
I know that I WILL be able to face tomorrow!
I KNOW I will be able to carry on because His strength is made perfect in my weakness.
But for now, I will rest.

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